I’ve Always Loved You Best……..

Dear First Born
I’ve always loved you best because you were our first miracle. You were the genesis of a marriage and the fulfillment of young love. You sustained us through the hamburger years, the first apartment, our first mode of transportation (1955 Feet), and the seven-inch TV we paid on for 36 months. You were new, had unused grandparents, and enough clothes for a set of triplets. You were the original model for a mom and dad who were trying to work the bugs out. You got the strained lamb, the open safety pins and three-hour naps. You were the beginning!

Dear Middle Born
I’ve always loved you the best because you drew a tough spot in the family and it made you stronger for it. You cried less, had more patience, wore faded hand-me-downs, and never in your life did anything first. But it only made you more special. You were the one we relaxed with, who helped us realize a dog could kiss you and you wouldn’t get sick. You could cross a street by yourself long before you were old enough to get married. And you helped us understand the world wouldn’t collapse if you went to bed with dirty feet. You were the child of our busy, ambitious years. Without you, we never could have survived the job changes and the tedium and routineness that is marriage.

To My Baby
I’ve always loved you best because while endings are generally sad, you are such a joy!! You readily accepted the mild-stained bibs, the lower bunk, the cracked baseball bat, the baby book that had nothing written in it except a recipe for graham-cracker piecrust that someone had jammed between the pages. You are the one we held on to so tightly. You darken our hair, quicken our steps, squared our shoulders, restored our vision, and give us a sense of humor that security, maturity, and durability can’t provide. When your hairline takes on the shape of Lake Erie and your own children tower over you, you will still be our baby!!!

-Erma Bombeck, 1971

Thank you so much Ma.

I’m also crushing on these little booties!

Ok, this is not the most practical outfit, especially with the crotch motif placement, but so pretty!

The cut of this dress is thrilling me- obviously more than it is thrilling the model.

Ok, who can we picture in this? The Kidman perhaps?

I think I could carry off this next one- altho that plunge deserves it’s own diving board?!

With only a few discrete slashes, this converts easilly to nursing apparel- how handy!

She did not want to wear black.

Hey, you know what? Wearable Wednesday is getting close to it’s 100th Wednesday- who can believe it? So, the 1st poster to remind us all of what designer started us off on our bitchy cruise gets a little Annelicious prize. Don’t let my taste scare you!!!

photo credits: Vogue

Wanda, I love your cruiseship handbag. I do. But it is distracting me from noticing that you have marsupial pockets. Oh, you meant to do that.

So I haunt PR looking for people who have dove in before me and tried out a new pattern. Then  I see that someone has altered the snot out of something so much that it is barely the same pattern and no help at all.

I did that. I customized this badboy like a fancy lowrider.

I know sweetie, but I was really thinking more along the lines of a fancy altered car. Sorry. By the way, that is Liesls ‘ thinking’ pose.

OK, so I am loving my new dress- I tried to get out of my print rut and try something different and I was worried at first that it has a little housecoat feel, but I think adding the little tucks at the neckline and the buttons and tapering the waist in a bit helped that. Do you think? I am still weirded out by this pocket placement- it feels clumsy or like a very low set hoodie. Ah. Lowrider pockets. How on theme!

The front tucks started as a fix to the gappy neckline that resulted from little me thinking a center front seam just had no purpose and distorted my adorable par-cheesey print fabric. Then I just liked it more than the slashed neckline and kept rolling. Design option or  miscalculation? You say tomato, I say tomatoe….

I used to feel great shame if the pattern didn’t look like the envelope- I took it to mean that I couldn’t follow directions. Like PR was judging me with that question on the review template. I always feel like putting in ‘No! …and I’m really, super sorry!’  Now I think it’s more about personalization.

Ok, more details. I skipped the back zip, removed the center seam, no lining, I created a neck facing once the tucks were set and oh, hey, thats all I changed. Next time I’d like to try the slightly funnel-necked version. What do you think? Is it a marsupial housedress?

Now. Lately I have read alot about blog comments seeming too kind, or just repetative and not very informative. So, let me tell you- I love some constructive thoughts, it’s a big help. On the otherhand, if you just wish to repetitively praise me, let me make this easier. Please select A, B or C and drop it in the comment both.

A- Damn, Anne- your proportions are practically willowy in this! When is Colin Firth leaving his wife for you?

B- Never have I seen such raw, gaudy talent outside of the Chanel workroom

C- Why do they not let you grace the covers of all big4 pattern envelopes? They are missing out on huge revenue.

Oh! I forgot-

D- All of the above and a german chocolate cupcake is in the mail!

photo credits: Pattern Review, google images,  meadhawg. All images remain the property of their original owners.

This week I was alerted to the culmination of a strange and powerful union by Amy on twitter.  Amy has earned her merit badge for Swinton spotting and is now an official Junior Swintologist! Applause, applause!  It seems that the Kaiser has contracted an alliance with our favorite galactic being. I wonder if Haider Ackermann is behind a force field somewhere…. but he should have seen this coming- remember the Versailles Chanel show on Wearable Wednesday over a year ago? He doesn’t understand her lack of accessories, but he understands the power!

Obviously plaid is no kryptonite to her! This collection is so lovely and textural and looks so good against her rawness. You knows? More of the collection is here. 

I think the Lagerfeld has been planning this for along time!Perhaps ever since he and Choupette sat down to split a diet coke and watch Orlando.

I’m going to need this all boxed up and sent to the Grievance headquarters, please. Merely for further analysis. Formal study, you know. That may or may not include me rolling around in it with 3 dachshunds.

photo credits: Chanel-news.com, in-style.com, Net-a-porter.com. Google images. All images remain the property of the original owners.

Ok, just who is this person? Who is the customer for this collection? There are some lovely bits here, but all so spun into fluffy clouds of sugar that they scream anime Goldilocks.

Does Madame Alexander have a corporate staff uniform?

Twee.

Twee-er.

Twee-est.

This is like career day at Lollipop land.

Here are my favorites:

Just add 12 inches, please.

I solve tiny little pretty crimes! Involving missing teddy bears.

Take me seriously damn it, I’m a Nobel Laureate.

Yes, I am jealous. I want all of these shoes!

I’m a velveteen corporate shark in my Red Valentino!

As a gal who has made doll clothes alot, I am seeing someone familiar here.

photo credits: Vogue Australia. All images remain the property of their original owners.

remember thinking how weird it was that Heather whats-her-x-Macca didn’t have her future daughter in law design her wedding gown. I think I understand now.

No. I’m not even sure this is finished.

Why is this model smiling? I’m not sure I could.

Mrs Mole- I ask you to explain.

How is this staying on?

I don’t….hate this. But it could just be that the other looks have worn me down.

Aha! I knew I’d find you here!

photo credits: Vogue.

The airspace over the Riviera practically crackled with life-affirming Tildanian vibes last evening. In a suit specifically designed by Haider Ackermann to keep her fabulousness cool during her spacecrafts re-entry, the Swinton graced the red carpet and of course, lives were changed. Her minions wore their standard Tom Ford flight suits.

I wish this picture did the fabric justice-  altho, it may just be an aura of intergalactic lux that she is projecting, but I think it’s lovely. Her eyes are so bright- she must have fed recently.

photo credits: google images, celbitchy. All images remain the property of their original owners.

This pattern was one of the first I bought 3 years ago- it looked easy, it looked reasonably stylish and from what retail was telling me, it was sack-like  enough that I was entitled to it. Perhaps this is why I wasn’t over-upset when I read all the blogs this week discussing the lack of decent fit in the big4 patterns.

I’m a big girl. I know this. I wasn’t always, but I am now. I’m almost cool with it. Until I go into a chain retail store and hop around from rack to rack looking for my size like a needle in a fat stack. Finally in a dim recessed corner I find the size that I am currently- it’s boxy, it’s shapeless and if I’m lucky, it isn’t also doubling as maternity. I’ve let retail convince me that I don’t belong in anything else. Like the sight of fabric skimming too close to my hips would bring the villagers with torches and they would run me to the belltower to live alone, where only my cartoon rat companions have to look at my hideous form. Ok, it’s not that bad- it even sounds like I’m headed for a musical number. 

So this week I’ve been asking myself why I’m not more bothered by the lack of fit and over-ease I find in the big4. Well, I have been comfortable with the semi-fit of the styles I have chosen. I like a sheer floaty thing. I like a loosely belted business. I guess I lead a pull on over the head lifestyle. I am just not Ms Button down. Tho Lord knows I have been told to button up!

So for me, the ease issue is not a huge one (joke, did you see it? Go back and read it again) but I totally understand what it means to others.  I know bad fit when I see it. There is a strong possibility that my Bond Girl name is Boxy Le Smut, but I know that when I make a dressier dress, I want the option of having it fit me- dare I say it- like it was made for me. So I’m really in agreement that the ‘design for a 6, grade up 3 sizes,grade  down 3 sizes-sell!’ is not good enough- and shameful coming from companies that we use to express our creativity, solve figure problems, and find custom chic from. It is time for the big4 to stop resting on it’s laurels and bring in more designers with modern eyes and stop just repackaging the 80′s for us.

Now, complaining aside, lets get down to my latest boxy creation. I am thinking about install a paypal button on the side of my blog so that you can send me donations to help cover the cost of these divine Dr Martens that would totally suit this Anna Sui fabric beautifully- don’t you think? Is it not wrong that I don’t have these? Wouldn’t the world be a better place if I had these? Yes, of course it would.

photo credits: Dr Martens, meadhawg, google images. All images remain the property of their original owners.

hmm- I’m not so sure about these exagerated shapes. It takes me back to the 80′s when I would try to work some menswear into my wardrobe to look like Molly Ringwald and it really did not work out well.

Now this goes in a totally different direction…. this doesn’t feel like it belongs, but I like it. Maybe she got lost and doesn’t belong here at all. Is she carrying a mat with her steak knives rolled up in it? Where is security?

Oh, we’re back on Planet ill-fitting Tweed…maybe thats her diploma from the Wendy Ward Modeling school…

I just can’t get a handle on how I feel about these- they clearly cannot be worn by real women- they are hugely out of proportion, but the ideas are good, but…no.

This one is more proportioned but only the epaulets make it different than a sloper.

Ok, I think I’m done here. This is too confusing. What is the deal with the duvet active wear? Is that her arm or a realy weird ruffle? Oh great, I think I made her angry?!

Is this oddly fitting 60′s wedding dress under the duvet? Is she wearing it with loafers… and backwards?

Weigh in people, I’m still shaking my head on this one.

photo credits: Style.com

You know, sometimes a girl such as I, who basks in the luxury of a decadent, carefree lifestyle of hummingbird tongue niblets and having Colin Firth give me pedicures while Jeremy Northam makes me a frappe,  likes to shrug off her ocelot capelet and wear something everyday. It makes me feel ‘down with the people’ as they say.  So I tried Simplicity 2936-

Such variations! I was giddy. Now the trick for me was to not segueway too far into a Daisey Mae zone.  Just- no.

I liked it with a floral and the little tied off sleeves, but I skipped any other embellishment to keep it simple. This little pattern is a new favorite.

Lately I’ve been sewing alot of tiny rompers for someone special and I have probably developed a little obsession with my snap press.  Seriously, I’m starting to think a little hammering will solve anything! It does get the GD cat off the sewing table, I’ll give you that!

So I blew off button holes and gave it black pearl snaps. I tell you, I’m thinking of installing a gong and then Bruderlein can strike it to announce my millionth snap hammered into innocent fabric. Hopefully this will happen before Liesl runs off with the striker or Mr B confiscates my hammer. Got to work fast!!

Oh, but where to wear something so casual- it’s far too subtle for my Marie Antoinette lifestyle of tiny dogs and soirees.  Perhaps some pictures in the front yard of our servants quarters- this isn’t MY front door of course…..

This has alot of collar and sleeve options, but my favorite option is to tuck or not to tuck the front and back. I did one on either side front and back and felt that it was just right- yes, not to baggy, not too constricting. Basically the fit is for me, the porridge that Goldilocks ate- just right.  Check out my dandy little sleeve rabbit ears. My underarms have gotten amazing reception today with this on.

Well, I’d better go and dress for dinner. Thanks for popping by.

photo credits: google images, Pattern review, meadhawg. All images remain the property of their original owners.