No, I could hear you- I chose to ignore you.
My guinea pigs have separation anxiety.
Just back away from the podium a few steps….
Static cling sucks.
No, seriously- I can’t stand up.
Where do I hook the vacuum tube?
No it’s not a colon- it’s a sculpture!?
Wanda- I told you not to stand too close to the fireplace!
I miss Prince too.
Photo credits: Vogue. Com
E! Announces their fall replacement for the Kardashians reality show- Latvian Instagram family the Pootkaviaks on Parade!
Cheeky Latvi charmers dealing with day to day issues of the dirty rich! it’s style and taste coming and going!
Chtke and Mama Poot’ go to a car wash!
Timk deals with laundry on a maids day off and learns about the separate bleach area in the Maytag!
In a tear filled episode Pavlok learns he has a heart murmur!
See them hilariously mistake a PETA gathering for their cousin Petas christening!
Feel the reason for the season as they film their family Christmas card- copies available on their website soon.
Enjoy the Valentine’s Day reunion of the family matriarch Krislov as she finally makes it thru customs!
Little brother Poplokit yearns to reach club stardom….
While Simplova becomes the darling of Latvian fashion week!
Oh those Pootkaviaks! Aren’t they just like us?
Photo credits: Vogue.com
Couldn’t get the blanket back in the picnic hamper, but no worries.
Elaine- Grandma wants to know if you’ve seen her Easter tree skirt….
I’m loving the idea of tights that look like I’m covered in moss.
I got ‘velveteen high waist palazzos’ on a random band name generator once.
I kind of love this jacket. Do you think she has matching pants in the case?
If this ended as a jumpsuit it would give serious Mr Furley vibes.
Monica- get in the car! I’m double parked in the student pick up line and I’ve already had 1 warning!?
Monica!? Where are your pants?
Welcome to Bettys Borscht Bucket, may I tell you the specials?
Photo credits: Vogue.com
“psst- Psst!”
“Huh?”
“Yes, you dahling- the ungainly one by the eyewash station with the obviously dyed hair- come here, Dahling!”
“Do I know you? Aren’t Edna Mo-“
“Hush! The Pixar’s have ears everywhere- very litigious- no names! Call me….Madame E will do!”
“Hey, what are you doing>? That’s my $22.99 with free shipping thru Amazon Prime Ruffled maxi cardigan in rich neutral!”
“It is a pilly schemata! I will burn it!”
“Careful- you’ll set off the alarms!”
“Your style is settling off alarms! I am putting them to rest! This! This is for you dahling! I call it……hmm….THE TEFLON GEKKHO!!!”
“oh”
“Why are you not running in circles dancing the jig of your sun-adverse people? This is a jacket of GREAT style and perfection!”
“I think it’s the gecko part- it’s confusing….”
“I watch you Dahling- I see you in your little office, the doctors breaking your spirit and handing you their empty Red Bulls- you are meant for greater things!”
“My own Red Bull?”
“Bah! I see the real you- your pale belly, your neck wattle- your all seeing eyes! GEKKHO!”
“Gecko?”
“Gecko Dahling! Behold- your Vogue 1682 Teflon Gecko Jacket! The envelope says ‘Misses Top’ but it is more of a jacket, you get me, I know. It has three sleeve pleats for extra durability when resting ones elbows on the desk top during long winded surgeon calls- also pleats that give extra range of motion for reaching for more post-its!”
“I really like the collar- is it like a cap-“
“NO! IT IS NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL!!!”
“I’m sorry, I like capes.”
“No. I will speak, you will model. Look at the fancy! The pattern calls for her collar to be contrast, but NO! I know best! I flip it- I give it life! I give it…..GEKKHO! Some would think it was a mistake and I appliqued geckos to make it look like a plan- THEY ARE WRONG! I MAKE NO MISTAKES! ONLY INNOVATION!”
“I like the little tails- what is this fabric?”
“Proprietary secret! Look! I cannot burn it-“
“OH! Hey, that hurts!”
“But you are only burnt where the jacket does not cover you- see? “
“But I am still burnt, can I have some aloe?”
“NO EATING DURING FITTINGS!”
“Ok, I’ll just-“
“You’ll just hush- look at how strong the fabric is!”
“IS that an icepick? Stop! Please! I believe you!”
“Dahling- these buttonholes took 2 needles and a Ukrainian bodybuilder to sew- the thread- it had to be reinforced in my secret lab- very hushush- very powerful!”
“I really like this pattern- I’d like to sew it myself- maybe in a linen or maybe with……”
“SILENCE- Edna is speaking! Look at the special darts in the under collar- providing shaping and elongating the neck for better surveillance. Also flattering to those neck wattles I spoke of. Sleeves! Wide sleeves for karate chopping! Hiding of small grenades and snacks!! You like. Say that you like!”
“I think it’s lovely, really I do…..”
“OF COURSE YOU DO! WHO BUT AN IDIOT WOULD NOT! Special feature- convex back panel topstitching to flatter the back fat dahling- very nice, you see“
“What’s that beeping, do you hear it?”
“Dahling, I must go- fashion distress signal- I think it’s that Stark boy- he goes thru smoking jackets like a house on fire- HAHAHHAHAHHA! See what I did there dahling?”
Photo credits: pattern review, little me.
I think I know what the sport is….
Bertram! That gardener you fired is back and he’s been in my lingerie drawer!?
When someone says ‘It’s Britney, Bitches’ it’s in this guys voice.
It wasn’t littering that made that Native American cry in that PSA….
Punk mines are becoming a real issue in metropolitan areas.
If you or someone you know suffers from chafing, Astrozenica is here to help…
Arthur’s been in the schnapps again- every danged office party ends the same….
Photo credits: vogue.com
Well, Miss Clancy, if you haven’t got a skirt of the appropriate length- we’ll just find you something from the post and found!
Just follow my lead-walk casually to the door and no one will see the bottle of schnapps in your purse!
June! I don’t care what you saw that Kardashian wearing- my girls wear shirts!
Mary Elizabeth if I turn around and you are making that disrespectful face again, so help me-
Ernestine! Have you been stuffing your binder again? Get back upstairs and put those socks away!
They call me ChaCha, because I’m the best dancer at St Bernadettes!
Roberta! Where is your pinafore???
Ok, there’s a pickle jar by the door- I’m taking up a collection to buy myself 6 yards of this material.
Photo credits: vogue.com
This is it- I’m a professional model now! The glamour! The travel! The fame- I have wear this on my head?
Where’s yours? You just said no? You can do that?
Ok. I told the stylist I didn’t want to wear THAT hat. Sigh.
Stop laughing! I want your lighting! Where’s your doll makeup??? Is that your own clothing??
I want to speak to my agent!!! I have a bird allergy and my thighs are breaking out.
Hey weren’t you Springsteen’s first wife???
I want a union……and a Diet Coke.
Photo credits: vogue. Com
Quarantine has hit hard peeps- let’s not forget our poor models forced to take alternate jobs- like Finola forced to stand in front of a tire dealership all day without a Diet Coke break.
Or Ariel- taking in laundry for the neighbors.
Or Siobhan who is being used to attract Amazon drones.
Poor Eleanor- she’s near her breaking point-
Yesterday she was arrested for going thru the recycling bins outside of Dolce and Gabbana’s Tucson vacay home- her freakishly large footprints gave her away-
Mimi is so distraught she has started talking to herself again.
Photo credits: vogue.com
Your parents have made a wise decision bringing you to Hedgly Hall while they explore the Bermuda Triangle.
Phoene and Freesia will show you the grounds. Try not to let them get behind you when you’re near the moat.
She’s behind me, isn’t she?
We’ve decided you can sit with us. But not HER.
The doctor says it’s fungal, but it isn’t infectious.
Ernestina! What have we told you about wandering the grounds out of uniform!
Photo credits: vogue. Com
This year has been crazy. Enid, I am going to stay home this New Years, have a spa night and just be one with my inner space. Just super cas.
Wait- Party? Who’s party? I’d it Elton??? Let me whip something together- hand me that bag of COVID models from my vaccine party!!
Pretty Grievances 